Many Michigan country clubs are struggling, aww shucks!

The mass-exodus out of Michigan thanks to the auto industry means the hundreds of private clubs are scrambling to fill memberships, leaving members worried about the future of their exclusive playgrounds.

To quote Cuba Gooding in Jerry Maguire: “Well boo fu**ing hoo.”

Finally, this means some of the state’s most well-kept and historic layouts are opening up to more than those who have 40K to drop on initiation fees. These courses should be open to anyone who appreciates the game’s tradition, regardless of who they know or whether they properly invested in a diversified 401k early in their career.

This is also a great opportunity for some of these clubs to change the stigma attached to club life, filled with dress codes, politics and old people that will try and have you banned if you drive up to the club with the windows down bumpin’ the new Kanye West joint. Why don’t these places dump the fine dining room for a Buffalo Wild Wings? Or trash the banquet hall and put in a strip club?

Or what if they stopped catering to the boys and try and appeal to the ever-growing female professional class that is becoming more powerful and more golf affluent? I’ve seen enough women’s leagues etc. to believe a club that is more inviting to women would have a fine niche.

Simply put: Golfers don’t wear knickers anymore, so why do so many country clubs follow such an old-fashioned formula?

The good news for us blue-collar folk is that many clubs have dropped initiation fees and are willing to work with you on helping you afford their club. No more grand jury interviews just to determine if you’re “Bushwood material.” Some clubs might even go (gulp) public!

If Oakland Hills ever opens up, I will grow a mullet, develop a horrible farmers tan, don a wife-beater, throw a sixer of Pabst in my bag I have to carry by the handle and roll through the gated entrance in my 94 Geo* and tip the bag boy a coupon for 50 cents off Shake n’ Bake at Meijer. My caddy will be a Funkmaster Flex-looking dude with a boombox over his shoulder. The CD player will be broken so we’ll have to just freestyle rap while we walk down the fairway. I’ll pay for nine holes but try and sneak on the back without paying.

(*Footnote: I already have the 94 Geo.)