First round of the year -- always ugly

Had my first round of 2005 this past weekend. As a native of Michigan, playing in 70-degree Florida weather in mid-Feb was a blessing.

But the first round is always ugly. The short game always goes first, too. By the back nine, all my chips were with my putter and five-footers were gimme two-putts. But as I rode along the fairways, I wondered what this golf season’s motivation would be. . .

See, I was always a competitive golfer. I was hacking it up in local tourney’s when I was ten, all the way through high school, and even did some scrambles, intramurals, city tourney’s, etc. here and there during college.

Now, as a working professional who rarely has a day off during weekday greens fees, what’s my motivation to play these days? Especially because my handicap is probably the highest its been since I could finally hit it long enough to graduate from the women’s tees. See, I’m not a betting man unless it’s on Brazilian cock fighting, so betting on the course won’t do. Here’s a few “games within the game” I may take up this season to spice things up.

1) See how long I can go with one sleeve of balls. I ration these things tighter than than Larry Brown rations Darko’s minutes. These suckers aren’t cheap, man.

2) Minimize the chunks. Topping I can deal with, but chunks not only leave more evidence, I have to clean my iron afterwards, which is usually done by dragging it along the grass a little before I shove it back in my bag. I’ve found over the years if you top a shot, the foursome shares a good laugh. When its a nasty chunk, even if the divot winds up in your underpants, everyone kind of looks the other way like their creepy drunk uncle just urinated in the lemonade again. Topping is comedy, chunks are tragedy. . .

3) Use the driver on every hole: who cares about course management? What’s the diffrence between an 88 and 92? Instead, try and drive the green, cut the corner, carry the pond every time. Just don’t use a new ball (see: Goal #1).

4) Get out during a Hurricane. I don’t mean Hurricane in the normal sense of the word. See, since I stopped playing competitively, you won’t find me near a course if there’s rain in the Eastern time zone. I won’t step on the tee if the wind is strong enough to turn a hard 6-iron a soft 7. If the brisk temps require a windbreaker. . .I’d rather find a good ping-pong game. Frankly, I saw enough of the elements in November in Michigan to ever actually PAY MONEY to do it nowadays. Maybe I’ll try one foul-weather round this season.

Other ideas?????